I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
