Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
