My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize