my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
