I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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