The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
