I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
