it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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