Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
