Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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