I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Found the puke drawer
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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