So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
