I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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