why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
