So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
