I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
