He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
