Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
