Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
