I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
