C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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