Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
