How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
