You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
