now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
do nipples grow back?
Randomize