Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
