We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
