we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
