He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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