I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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