I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Send help, water and tortillas.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
