Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
