Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
