thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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