I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
