I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
