Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we're making bets on your personal life
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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