She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
