put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
