my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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