I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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