I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
