Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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