just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
