We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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