the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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