is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His nipple licking is glorious
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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