i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
