when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
