non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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