I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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