yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
