I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
