I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
