I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
