so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
