How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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