i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
