I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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