you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
