i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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