You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
