he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
do herpes really smell.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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