Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
