the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
