btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
