I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
