I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
