TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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