I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
