capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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