I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
