I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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