one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
