Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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