I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
