my shit smells like andre
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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