Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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