seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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